fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
