you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize