and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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