You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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