I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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