so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize