i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
