My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
