just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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