first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
