Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
