I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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