I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize