if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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