he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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