I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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