just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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