I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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