and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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