please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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