Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
