Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
