Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize