I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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