and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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