1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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