you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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