My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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