So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
