I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
