I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
