Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Someone signed my nipple.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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