last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
