We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
