Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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