i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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