she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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