There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
