Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
