it's too hot outside to masturbate.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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