I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
