Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
