Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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