hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
