Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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