Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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