Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Farmville is her only friend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
