You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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