Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
