I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
