Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize