I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
