My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
