I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
