if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
