i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
