I hate all girls vehemently.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
