I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
