I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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