Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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