I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize