I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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