Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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