In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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