he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
