Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
