You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
