I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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