I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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