So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize