This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dicks are not precious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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