apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
