dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
