I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
