so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
