I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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