i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize